Kommersant: “We must consider the experience of strong bilateral relations”
If the Ukrainian President intended to stun Prime Minister Vladimir Putin at a recent get-together, he certainly succeeded.
During his meeting with President Yanukovich, Putin roundly rejected his offer to send a delegation of Ukrainian politicians to Moscow and bluntly said that he would prefer Ukraine’s famous bacon.
Putin met Yanukovich after the latter had finished his talks in the Kremlin. The Ukranian president did not look tired; to the contrary, in the wake of his recent election struggle he seemed to have gathered the energy for endless battles of negotiation. However, he did seem disquietingly distracted as he talked to the prime minister.
“I was probably the first to congratulate you,” Putin said.
I thought Putin was referring to the presidential elections of five years ago, when he indeed congratulated Yanukovich several times before the results showed that Viktor Yushchenko was the victor.
But this time, Putin was congratulating Yanukovich on his second – successful – run for office in 2010. Yanukovich smiled with gratitude (more than once) and slowly started to recount the story of his victory and the state of Russian-Ukrainian relations:
“We have arrived in Moscow fully aware that our mutual relations were at a very low point after the last five years…”
He said that the economy in Ukraine “was much harder hit” by the crisis than in Russia. Its GDP has dropped twice as much.
“The financial crisis has opened our eyes to many things and has raised the value of our joint work… We have come to understand this better…” Yanukovich continued pensively.
His speech was slow, and he was becoming increasingly nervous and faltering, leaving no pauses between sentences. After a couple of minutes, there was no hope that he would ever finish his erratic saga.
“Today I told Mr Medvedev that we must make an about face in our relations,” Yanukovich continued thoughtfully.
“Join the Customs Union!” Putin instantly interjected.
Yanukovich slowly nodded, but not in agreement. He nodded to show that he understood the joke after spending all morning in meticulous deliberations with Medvedev at enlarged meetings and in limited attendance, as well as at a press conference.
“You have covered a lot of ground during these five years. I understand Russia has already overcome the crisis,” Yanukovich said. Putin made an expression of sorrow, hinting that Yanukovich did not fully understand. The credit was appreciated, but not exactly accurate.
“Now our goal is to catch up with Russia, and we hope that we will do it. We also hope you will help,” Yanukovich said.
In other words, he hopes that Russia will stop developing and wait for Ukraine to catch up.
“I think that the people here probably don’t even fully appreciate the stability that Russia has achieved. I’m serious!” Yanukovich explained.
He was talking like a man who has gone through Orange hell and become one of its major victims.
“If we send you a few tricky politicians from Ukraine, you will understand…”
“No, thank you!” Putin protested. “Better send us some of your famous bacon.”
Recently Putin had welcomed Yulia Tymoshenko into this office, but now clearly prefers pork.
“I’m convinced that we will soon put things in order both in the direct and figurative sense of the word,” Yanukovich continued slowly.
The straight and figurative senses of his words were equally obscure.
“We must consider the experience of strong bilateral relations. We have no secrets from each other anymore,” Yanukovich continued without stopping.
Viktor Chernomyrdin, former Russian Ambassador to Ukraine, should give credit to Yanukovich for this manner of speech. Even he wouldn’t be able to stun the public with so many slips of the tongue in such a short conversation.
Eventually, Yanukovich reached his conclusion: “Development rates must be high, so that we do not waste time on underperformers.”
If the rates are not that high, we can only feel sorry for them.
By Andrei Kolesnikov
