We talked with famous TV anchor Sergei Dorenko about Russia's joys and sorrows of the past year.
I'm just an observer
Interview taken by Vladimir Vorsobin
KP: Sergei, the tumultuous but still prosperous year of 2008 is coming to an end... What can you say about it?
Sergei Dorenko: I'll follow anti-scientific logic. In Chinese astrology, 2008 is the year of the Earth Rat. I have been perpetually saying that in case of bad developments (they have already taken place), the foundations of the immutable will be eroded. What seemed to be absolutely firm and stable, what was the basis of our life will simply disappear. And we have been unlucky. The global economy has gone down the drain. What could have been more immutable?
KP: But I hope that this year was good for you personally, was it?
Sergei Dorenko: It's hard to say... I am just an observer, and I'm reducing my position to an absurdity. I was trying to prove to someone in real earnest that if I were sentenced to be shot, I would demand that a cameraman stand in the best position. My occupation is being an observer, a witness but never a participant. Otherwise, I'll be engaged. However, my "neutrality" failed me once. In August I was very glad.
KP: But a war was going on then.
Sergei Dorenko: Yes, but I was glad that we had summoned the will. More importantly, hope appeared for the isolation of the Russian elite from the West.
KP: What do you mean?
Sergei Dorenko: I'd like the West to isolate it because the tragedy of this strange separate coexistence of the elite and the people has been dragging on for a long time, since feudalism. Since olden times, the Russian elite have been consumed with trash-phobia and a notion of caste unity.
KP: But why does Russia need its elites to be isolated from the international community?
Sergei Dorenko: Only in this way is it possible to draw their attention to a trifle - notably, that they live in Russia, and that their future is not in London, but here. We should return to Russia an elite class that thinks about their future and that of their children outside Russia.
It would be great if the West isolated them and the lists of Russian account holders in Switzerland were shown to cameras for a close-up, with names, and if these accounts were arrested. This would not last for a long time, but the elite would feel that the Russian people, not Swiss accounts, is standing behind them.
This would be a repetition of 1812, when the French, the idols of our elite, attacked Russia, when Vasilisa Kozhina, who attacked the French with a pitchfork, stood side-by-side with aristocrats. Russian noblemen who spoke only French amongst themselves were stabbing Paris residents with sabres. At that time, the elite and the people suddenly became a united nation. We badly needed this today.
But this did not happen. We didn't press enough. Meanwhile, we should have offended the West very seriously, by seizing Tbilisi for instance, so that half of NATO would move to the Black Sea. We would have returned the elite to the people through this confrontation.
Men of the Year: Obama and Solzhenitsyn
KP: What do you think about another major event, the election of the President?
Sergei Dorenko: This was the transition, that is, switch of power that did not take place. The power was retained in the team. There was a lot of guesswork surrounding this situation. How soon will the successor and the former President develop contradictions and enter war? Who will win this war? A priori, everyone believed that this would take place by all means. I thought this would happen in autumn but was mistaken, which is a positive feature of the team. Looking at the Putin-Medvedev team (or the Medvedev-Putin team), one could conclude that physical laws have been suspended or cancelled altogether.
KP: How have you found this out?
Sergei Dorenko: I observe it in their movements, breathing, comments... I see that responsibilities are divided. Putin ceded to the President, and Medvedev occupied the ceded territories of power. But the President does not want to expand his territories, and Putin does not cede his. For the time being, we see a working duumvirate that is destroying our understanding of human nature.
KP: Who would you choose as the Man of the Year?
Sergei Dorenko: Obama. He is the most interesting of all.
KP: What about Russians?
Sergei Dorenko: (after a pause). I can't think of anyone else but Solzhenitsyn. But this year, he attracted everyone's attention because he died. His star rose because of his death. I can't think of anyone living.
KP: That sounds strange...
Sergei Dorenko: Perhaps it simply reveals a vector. Great people die, and nobody comes to replace them. I've been observing politics, television, and arts with surprise - there's nothing new at all. It looks like a desert. I have a feeling that all current figures have already had their say, and are quoting their former speeches. The wealthy are only thinking about immortality.
KP: What will come next?
Sergei Dorenko: Events will take place. I don't want to sound mysterious, but I think that the paradigm will change so seriously that this change cannot even be predicted.
The material era is coming to an end. Its ideals are dead. But how idiotically beautiful these ideals were! Everything from Versace, everything, be it toilet paper, or a hamburger. All-round "Versacialisation" is coming to an end. This is when one does not need a thing but... (pauses to think).
KP: A brand?
Sergei Dorenko: No, not even a brand! Suppose there is a crucian carp in every shop. You are buying not a carp but a raison d'etre. You are buying the glamour of life and the glamour of death. Everything should be glamorous - Versace, to say the least. And at this point, you understand that everything is finished, that there is nowhere to go from here. This paradigm is over. A new religion must emerge.
KP: What will it be?
Sergei Dorenko: Let's see how it emerges. For instance, the late 19th century saw the emergence of the religion of engineering art. It was continued by aviation, penicillin, and space flights... People developed faith not simply in engineering art, but in science in general. At a certain point, everyone understood - science exists to enable us to continuously devour everything, so that we can gobble, gobble, and gobble. People reached the limit here, and everyone said, "To hell with science that cannot be gobbled!"
In reality, we have approached the point beyond which it is pointless to consume. All this has become boring and does not get anyone excited. We have reached a point when seriously wealthy people who determine how to spend money are interested only in one thing - immortality. Many of our oligarchs have laboratories, the only thing of interest to them. They say that all they have is simply a piece of shit. Immortality is the only interesting thing in the world.
KP: Maybe, they simply want to consume endlessly.
Sergei Dorenko: No, this is not a breakthrough to a new paradigm, but, most likely, an exit into something new... I'm awfully scared by the collider!
KP: We are approaching New Year's Eve, Sergei. Let's talk about something cheerful. Have our great sports triumphs improved your mood?
Sergei Dorenko: Yes, I do remember them winning all the time... For me, sports are a big, useful nonsense. In effect, sports are a metaphor for war. Therefore, when we win the Olympics, the nation thrives on the competition instinct, like in a war. I've also developed a feeling of rightful pride!
KP: What has made you laugh?
Sergei Dorenko: I'd rather tell you what scared me. The Large Hadron Collider is the fear of the year. I was scared out of my wits by it. I associated myself with some protons flying under the impact of magnets. It seemed to me that this was like pursuing someone else's will, a disgusting and repulsive occupation. Besides, they might have deflated into a black hole. We may joke, but we might have easily sent the Earth to hell. Perhaps God has created us not only to drag along in the protein form, but expressly to let us send the Universe to hell. Imagine, we would have caused its collapse, and that would be it!
KP: A piece of cake!
Sergei Dorenko: We'll collapse one day, but better later than now, at least in February... Or they will launch the collider, and we'll all go into singularity together with our gold and currency reserves and my chicken at the dacha... I have acquired chicken this year. One "crisis" morning we'll wake up and see that a chicken egg and a can of meat have become the measuring sticks of value. A quilted jacket as well.
KP: Are you serious?
Sergei Dorenko: I'm not kidding. Therefore, I said to myself - at least I'll have eggs. These fools have been nibbling on worms the whole summer. I don't feed them at all. This is profitable. I'm saying to myself I should have a can of meat, eggs, and cereal. In addition to that, we should all invent some universal measure of exchange. Let it be a quilted jacket. After it, a bar of gold will replace it, then a new paper equivalent, for instance, a dollar (I'm very sorry about this, but not a rouble).
KP: I see that the crisis makes you sound ironic. I'm being ironic on every subject... The Roman Empire was dying for 400 years. What did the Romans do? They brought up children... You should react calmly to changes. Our cause is to defend our country as we see it in the horizons of the future. We may fail, but so what?
Kudrin, a monk of the order of numismatists
KP: Who is the anti-hero of the year?
Sergei Dorenko (thoughtfully): Saakashvili? But this is a totally miserable, dependent, and hysterical creature... Bush? He is too much of a simpleton to qualify for this title. Kudrin? He is a convinced monk of the order of numismatists. He is collecting currency for God knows what. Today, this looks particularly grotesque.
KP: But it was the Stabilisation Fund that proved to be a cushion that alleviated the crisis.
Sergei Dorenko: This cushion will last until February, if we are Kudrin's consistent followers... We could have used the Stabilisation Fund to build roads, or a new economic system... Now everyone is taking money out of Russia, and owing to the cushion we have enough money to let them take out everything. What are we rejoicing at?
KP: The New Year, for one. What could you wish our readers?
Sergei Dorenko: Not to exceed expectations. It seems that in his recent statements, Putin is making it clear to the nation that we'll cope. I understand him very well as a political leader, but I'm afraid his message will be read by people with infantile brains. They will interpret it as Dad saying it's going to be all right.
Dad said he will try. Don't be children hoping to make a breakthrough with Dad... Start for yourselves! And don't have high expectations, because then you will be disappointed not only in Dad but also in life, in Russia, in everything. You should tell yourselves from the very start: this is going to be total shit. In this case you can find out with joy that yesterday you had only one cracker, and today you have two.
KP: Sergei, don't forget, this is the New Year holiday, a bright day.
Sergei Dorenko: Well, let's go into a state of New Year amnesia. Then, without coming to our senses, let's go into a real crisis, and please accept my heartfelt congratulations on this occasion. But we'll overcome all the same.
KP: Finally, you said we'll overcome, a promising phrase...
Sergei Dorenko: We have no other option.